The Next Doorway - Originally written... awhile ago
I'm sitting at the train station waiting on the train that will take me to Connecticut. My Initiation into the Priestesshood will be held there. At first, I felt like it was a given that my partner (not the person I began this journey with - for good reason) would be there. But the last 12 hours have called that into question. He kissed me goodbye and he sent me off with some wisdom: "be strong, and rise."
I'm alone. With myself. And my books. But not my real books. My Kindle type books. And I am anxious. I wasn't feeling very anxious the last few days, but now - very much so. I'm now in Connecticut. A former covenmate/good friend met me at the station and I'm settling into my hotel room. It's on the first floor and there is a door that opens up to the outside. So I've got the glass open and the screen closed. Gorgeous breeze. I'm a bit calmer but still anxious. I don't do well with time to myself. I had to take a Benedryl so I might nap...
I ended up not napping. I am terrible at sitting around, so I went to the business center and printed off some articles that I'm in the middle of reading. I do better with my Greek when I'm able to write it out and practice. So I read two articles and studied.
I ended up not napping. I am terrible at sitting around, so I went to the business center and printed off some articles that I'm in the middle of reading. I do better with my Greek when I'm able to write it out and practice. So I read two articles and studied.
It is now 1am. I am alone. It is finished. My person did show. He is sleeping at a friend's house.
____________________________________________________________________________________
That was what I had written on my phone. I was completely exhausted from the experience and I crashed. My Initiation was just that - an Ordeal. The way our Ordinations are structured take into account that issues that that particular Priestx is working through. I personally didn't expect several of my issues to confront me at once. I don't speak up for myself and take up space that I have rightfully earned. I have trouble using my voice, and sometimes, I have crippling self-doubt. All of that was put in front of me in a stark confrontation. And I stood up. I reclaimed my voice and my place at the table. As I said that evening, "I've earned it." I am not my predecessors, nor my successors.
And therein lies the lesson. We can only do what WE can do. Not what someone else does well.
I had a trial run/truncated workshop at Pagan Pride Day. As Hekate as wont to do with me, it was a lesson. It was wonderful, and I hope that people left with more knowledge than they came.
____________________________________________________________________________________
That was what I had written on my phone. I was completely exhausted from the experience and I crashed. My Initiation was just that - an Ordeal. The way our Ordinations are structured take into account that issues that that particular Priestx is working through. I personally didn't expect several of my issues to confront me at once. I don't speak up for myself and take up space that I have rightfully earned. I have trouble using my voice, and sometimes, I have crippling self-doubt. All of that was put in front of me in a stark confrontation. And I stood up. I reclaimed my voice and my place at the table. As I said that evening, "I've earned it." I am not my predecessors, nor my successors.
And therein lies the lesson. We can only do what WE can do. Not what someone else does well.
I had a trial run/truncated workshop at Pagan Pride Day. As Hekate as wont to do with me, it was a lesson. It was wonderful, and I hope that people left with more knowledge than they came.
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